What do we want in life???

This is a real burning question. Some people do not know what they want in life and are therefore pursuing dreams they may feel they need at that moment and therefore cannot find happiness. What will make you happy? How will you become happy?

Of course I am not faith healer or master of the dark arts and therefore do not have an answer here for you.

However, these last few weeks have caused me to think about life very seriously. At this moment, I can say that I am happy and I can go at any time. Many will ask, what about my daughter and my family... And you know what?? I would like to say... "Screw them!!".... hehehehe... No lah... What about them? They can and will look after themselves and are happy as they are. Of course they need and want me... but if it is my time to go... I will go...

Why I ask this? Seems like my sis is really gonna be unable to let my mom go? Why is this so? Perhaps it is feeling of guilt? Perhaps it is feeling of insecurity? Who knows?? I have been asking her to see a shrink for the longest time.

Oh yea... if you guys think that I am giving up on my mom and letting her go like dat, you are dead wrong... Sorry for the pun hor... hehehehe

I would like her to be around till the end of time.. though it would be pretty inconvenient and also pretty irritating.. But if she has to go, she has to go... and if faced between a long and extended bout and fight... then perhaps it is better to go in peace. According to her doctor, the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes and perhaps the liver... So the next round will be chemo therapy... It will be costly and also painful. In some ways, I know that she will have wished she dieded on the operating table... Many people do not know the pains of chemo therapy... It is a poison and it can in itself kill... And after so many rounds, if death (which is something we all will face any way) is the end result, then would it not have been better to use the money to make mom comfortable and happy?

And that is where the problem lies with all of us. What will make us happy and how will we get there? I am a happy camper because I am a simple guy. Though I drive a shit hot and beautiful car, I do not want to parade it around. Although my wife is shit hot and damned pretty... I also do not parade her around... I live in a HDB and am a simple man.... So being simple... I am happier... I will not say I am completely happy though.

And as for my baby girl... she is growing so well and is so beautiful and that is my joy...


And as for my ride... I managed to repair some dents and unsightly scratches and at the same time colour the rims black... now I am almost there....

Eye of the storm

Eye of the storm, refuge of sanity, place of peace... whatever you call it, everyone must have such a place. Be it physically or mentally, you must have a happy place where you can go to and just be able to rest from whatever is tormenting you. For me, it is my family (wife and daughter only hor) and the love they have for me. They are willing to go through hell for me and are also there for me. I am attaching the latest vid, in which Baby Tina is seen answering and yabbering with her grandma and also smiling in reaction to the grandma's yabbering too... Kinda interesting when you think that she is only 2 and 3/4 months old only.. Well my peace and enjoyment is for all to share.

Life... Death.. What's it all about?

My mom has advanced stage of cancer and it may have spread to the liver. Survivability? Well to be very frank, do you really want to survive in this country? So for me, I am taking things stoically. The bad news came one after the other. First it was that it was a tumour and that it was quite large. So most probably stage 2 or 3. Then later it became "it may have spread to the liver and if this is the case survivability is 30%". For me, I considered the fact very calmly and also very sanely. We will do everything we can for my mom, but the most important thing is to make her comfortable. She knows nuts... so no use asking her.. She does not want to die, but also does not want to have any pain... So now the question is which is she willing to take... Hey... you can't have your cake and eat it mah....

Chemo therapy is painful both physically and also mentally. It makes you feel like shit and your hair drops and so on. Mom has always been very vain and also very conscious of how she looks. So will she take it? Can she take it? It is also long and costly... So the question is put to the government... Will you make a law that will force us to look after our parents? Hey... you claim everything is cheap or subsidised... Look at my uncle.. he also has cancer and has had half his intestines removed... He will also go for chemo soon... He stayed in the hospital for almost a mth.... Who is paying for this? Subsidised? To some people, even $30 a day is a problem.... Imagine... without meds.. without operations, without anything... you have to pay $900... That is the monthly income for some people... So what do poor people do??? Hope to die.... What about children with parents with chronic diseases???

If my mom's bill comes to 100k... and she dies... how can I afford her funeral?? What can we do as children... Only hope for the best and treat the problem as it arises.... I heard a story of a man who used to be a very successful businessman with a lot of money and big property. Now his children are bankrupt because he got cancer and through the years of treatment, all he earned and all the savings of his children were used up. When he boasts that he still has money... his children do not dare to tell him that he has used it all up... What will the gahmen do for these people?

If we live in a meritocratic society and we are based on merit... do these old folks who have given so much to the country not merit anything?

Ladies and gentlmen... we are so screwed... seriously...

Why Me???

Hi Boys and girls, Do you ever have the "Why me?" moment? It happens to me quite often... Especially when I have a few really irritatingly mentally weak relatives close by. What happened was that Energizer has been feeling sick... a pain in the stomach due to an inflamation. She refused to see a doctor till her "god daughter", some one who she only got to know recently wanted to bring her. In the end, she went to KKH and the doctor there, a gastro surgeon, said that she had to be warded and she had to be transferred to TTSH. The initial interpretation from the doctor was "Inflamtation, most probably NOT cancer". By the time it came to me... it became, "Most probably cancer"!!! Uhhhh there is a world of difference between the two statements. But then again, I do not know who lost the string... The only thing I am really pissed off was that my sister was flying off her rocker and mom was enjoying every moment of being such a celebrity!!! Any normal sane person (ooopppsss.... I forgot, she is not sane anymore) will inject the fact that the doctor did say that it was most probably not cancer... but energizer just remained quiet and was trying to act sick and dying. So since we thought it was cancer, we decided that she should have the best care... or at least my sister did... and we checked mom into John Hopkins.... Man that was one of the biggest mistakes in our lives. The patients there were not Sgporeans... all were sheiks and other name personalities... Then the doctor came from KKH and asked what the hell we were doing in John Hopkins... Mom did not have cancer and we had to check her out and transfer her to a normal gastro ward... so who is to blame for this mess??? I really do not know... Do I want to hazzard a guess??? Why bother. Now... the gahmen wants to initiate a law to make us look after our parents. I do not know how many heartless children there are out there, and there may be a few because of the way we bring up our children nowadays, but I am from the old school and I will look after my own parents. It really drives me up the wall when Energizer chooses other people to her own children. Take for example the time when we had a big flaming row over my sister's ex..... I was just mentioning that she should not trust him too much... She turned around and supported him instead... WTF!!?? Now she is also listening to her "godchild" who I do not know or even trust. So my dear gahmen, let me ask you this, how will you help us who look after our own parents? Alzheimer's dementia is going to be really common... where are the facilities? Old folks home?? Yea... some heartless shits may be chucking their parents in there because they have the money and no hearts, but what about those who are suffering now? Tax relief only for one child? I am paying with my sis for my mom.... So who will give me the relief? Make it into law and it will be a joke. These are men women and people who were there when we became a country. They were the ones who helped to bring the country up. And you throw them back to their children? I am disappointed. But in the midst of this disappointment, I ask myself "Why me?" and in fact I do not blame anyone or anything... If you have follwed my posts, you will know that I am a positively positive bloke. So I answer back... "luckily it is me man!!!" because if anyone else was given my unique position, he or she would have flipped and gone off into lala land. At least I am here to keep my family together. Oh yea attached is the latest vid of my darling.

Hai... (sighs)..

Well sports fans... one thing that is making me happy. Its actually a complaint from my wife.. Many of you will say.. "huh?? Wife complain you still happy?". But the situation is this... She said that my baby is exactly the same as me... We have no mid point. Its always all or nothing. So when baby wants to be carried, she will cry till someone carries her. If she is in a good mood, she can play happily by herself. If she is feeling like being a good girl, she can go to sleep by herself. But if she is in a bad mood or she is cranky, it will be 100% life feels like shit.. It brings a tear to my eye and to think that my demon seed is just like me.... But then again, if demon seed does the same to me... I will bath her in holy water!!! HEAD FIRST!!!

Talking about that, we had a great family reunion last night. The Energizer Rabbit's 71st birthday.... Many are saying that she is old and that she will not have long to live, but looking at her brothers and sisters, (I mean the real blood ones), they are all into their 80's and so on... So who the bloody hell or why the bloody hell does anyone think she will kick the bucket anytime soon?.... Hai..... (Sighsssss).

But then I just hope she is happy lah... At least she had her 5 minutes in the limelight and that she will now be satisfied for a while. I also hope that her friend does not poison her too much. Her new mahjong khaki and long lost fren seems to have lived in Japan for 6 yrs... longer than me lah... but hehehehe... her Japanese is worse than mine by perhaps a multiple of a few worlds. No matter wat, this woman is now trying to psycho the energizer rabbit to go to Tokyo with her... Yea and who the flaming heck will pay for the bloody trip???? She is rich, she can afford... Energizer may be rich... but its all our money!!!!

I can only shake head and pray to all the gods to deliver me if anything like that were to happen and she decides to take the trip. Because at the end of the year, the whole family is supposed to go back to Japan to bring my wife and my baby here.

Anyway, the other sighs is that I am feeling really damned itchy again. As you know, I swore that I will not modify my car again. But I just want it to have a new set of brake rotors as it will only make if safer for me to come to a sudden stop. In Sillypore, it is pretty important to be able to stop. The other day, while trying to turn left, the car in front me of stopped suddenly because a cyclist was nearing the zebra crossing. I will always stop at any crossing and even give some leeway to the other road users in terms of time and distance, but the guy in front of me was really too much... The cyclist was not even in the main traffic crossing and the ding dong in front stopped till the cyclist crossed the main crossing and then entered the slip road. Guys, we wanna be nice, but this is being too nice. Luckily for me, I braked in time and even more luckily, the guy behind had his wits with him and he also braked in time... I could hear a few marbles rolling on the street because mine nearly dropped too!!

Well I was so affected by it and by the fact of the near miss that I was too engrossed and when I got back to my home's carpark... I whacked the pillar.... SHIT!!! So now I will have to get the dent repaired while I am away.... Haizzzzz.... sighsssssssss.....