In an airplane... wat would you do?

You know.... just before taking off, there is this really boring video about if in a "situation" what should you do... but have you ever wondered what you would do?

1) In the event of sudden depressurization, air masks will fall from the ceiling. Please put your own on before helping the children:

First of all, nowadays, bloody sillyporeans treat their children better than they treat themselves. My sis already said that she will put her children's on first before her own... She does not understand the basic rule that if you are not able to look after yourself, you cannot look after anyone else. So most of them will say "screw this!!! I gonna make sure my bloody investment lives on first!!!".

But lets face it, if there is a bang and air is being sucked out and air masks are dangling, I think my first action will be to check my seat belt... I am short and not sure if the bloody mask will reach me if I were just to grab it sitting down... If people are flying left and right out the airplane... I think I will risk hypoxia than to be a hero and release the seat belt and grab the mask. Only when everything is settled, then slowly grab the mask and take deep breaths... Hey... sudden depressurization... meaning air is being sucked out... just hold your bloody breath lah....

2) In the event of an emergency landing... Please assume the brace position:

Yea right.... I am about to die and I have to assume either the position with my arms outstretched or lean down and hug my legs??? I would rather find some pretty chick and hug her instead... after all, we are gonna die and why not die with a smile and happiness in the heart. Maybe grab the stewardess???

3) Please put on your life vests but do not inflate it inside the plane.
Uuuuuhhhhhh.... YOu know how kia su some idiots are... not only will they be inflating their vests inside, but they will also be grabbing whatever extras they can and wear 3 or 4 vests... Why not... can float better mah.... For me I will still grab a stewardess.... Why not float wif someone u can rabba at the same time. Don care lah... sink lor.... at least u go wif a smile..

4) The slides can become life rafts in the case of a water landing.
Yea... right.... If I am not mistaken, the ends should not have walls because if not, wen u are sliding, you will come to an adrupt stop!!! So won't water be seeping over the top and bottom part of the slides???? Not me man... I am grabbing a stewardess man.....

5) Please do not wear sharp or high heel shoes and slide down the slide.

Yeaaaaa ok... I am a guy... why the hell will I be wearing high heels.... oooooohhh... I forgot I am short... hehehehehe

6) Please leave everything behind and exit the aircraft....

Right... Then if picked up by some fishing boat and they cannot ascertain my citizenship, (being able to speak with a lah does not mean I am a Sillyporean... in as much as being able to speak with an American accent does not mean u are a better person) and what if I end up being a stateless person with no money and waiting in some camp or hospital??? Besides... even though being short and fat are pretty distinctive features... I would still like to be identified.... Hmmmm maybe better not grab a stewardess because if my body is found hugging a beautiful babe... wifey will curse me till the end of days........

7) If there is smoke, the cabin will have lights on the floor to lead you to the exits......

I wonder which genius came up with that thing? Kinda cool... but goondoos will not being following the instructions lah... They will be running on top of everyone trying to get out... Do not forget hor.... we are sillyporeans hor... Kia su can also equal kia see...

Screw this man... I will grab a stewardess and then run man.....

8) The nearest exit need not be the one in front of you.

Aba den??? But lets face it lah... in a panic situation, who will have such a clear mind as to coolly consider where the nearest exit will be.... front or back??? We will scream and run like headless chickens and then go for the exit we can see..... For me, I will be grabbing a stewardess....

As you can see, I have been really flying too much liao.